Every other day I wake up to the sound of someone knocking on my front door and I begin my day feeling terrified and anxious. My heart palpitates so aggressively that sometimes I can't help but think it might break out of my chest and run for the hills, in exactly the same way as I wish to do. The person at the door could just be any innocent like a postman or my sister but every single time I hear it knock I jump and immediately freeze like a deer in headlights, and no matter what room I'm in or how far I might be from the front door, everything in me shudders and faces toward that door because I fear the worst and I fear him.
For my safety I can't give away the full details but what you can know is that there's a certain someone from my past who really wants to hurt me. He's harassed me, almost stalked me and threatened to expose me then hurt (rape) me and even kill me. Just recently I received find a text from him asking to meet me and that he'll pay double what my rates are. I don't care about money as much as I care for my safety and identity. In this situation money is the last thing I could possibly want. When I received this text I had my first panic attack in three months! I thought I was making progress with bettering my mental health but this just threw me. It's so screwed up. Because of him I retired from the job and forced myself to get my life together.
The worst part of all of this is not what's happening, but the fact that it's happening to me when I have absolutely no one to rely on to protect Family obviously can't know and neither can friends, so who the hell do I go to? I've considered personal security but I just haven't got the money to fund that for the amount of time I'll need it.
I'm trying so hard to not turn this into a "woe is me" post, but so many things are happening right now and I'm just scared as hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment