I did an oopsy. In other words: I spent hours rambling when I had more important things to do. What I intended to be at least three lines turned into a ten thousand word rant. It gets emotional when I talk about pubes. Well, for me it did.
Answer: That's like asking what my opinion is on people.
I know that everyone in the entire fucking world experiences a mental health issue at least once their lives, it's only the special ones such as myself who screw themselves up even further by acting on said issue in an inappropriate way. In my case, I was always le rejected one so throughout my childhood and teenagehood I learnt that no one would ever want me.
I won't be surprised if a lot of people don't like my opinion but for what it's worth: People without mental health issues have a negative opinion on mental health issues and the people who suffer them because they're scared. In our current modern world where scientific knowledge is constantly expanding, Psychology is a grey area because you can't see it but you know it's there. Because you can't see it you're scared about what it is about.
I've been called a pretentious slut by people who were not aware that I suffer from multiple mental disorders which provoked that behaviour. Some people might be expecting me to say that I don't mean to blame my mental health for the way I act, but I do blame it. If I didn't have such low self-esteem that I had to dress like a slut and work as a professional whore to make myself feel like something then I wouldn't be the person that I am today.
My family and friends know that I have had anorexia, binge eating disorder and depression (this one I still have!) in the past but they don't know about the bulimia, the anxiety, the borderline personality disorder, the possible bipolar, the manic episodes which I had when I was suffocating myself during my mental breakdown earlier this year. I worked as a call girl, for fuck's sake. I let strange men touch me in ways that they thought was pleasurable. I had multiple strangers peoples pubes inside my mouth because this was the only way I could stop myself from feeling empty or alone.
You want to know what people think of mental health? New flash: They're scared of it. Unlike physical diseases, the psychological ones manifest themselves in ways that no one will ever understand until they see it first hand. It hurts. It hurts like a mother fucker and people are too afraid to feel pain so we ignore it. We ignore every horrible mother fucking thing to happen to us because confrontation leads to remembering the pain and one must remember that we are all human, we don't like pain. Pain is pain is pain is pain.
Mental health issues are always shown as this big bad wolf who will eat at you and eat at you and eat at you and then eat at you some more so we all ignore it because it is easier to deal with that way.
You know, when my family realised I was suffering anorexia they shouted at me. Oftentimes my sister repeated to me that that I would be stickthin and that I'm going to have to be force fed by a tube because that was her idea of anorexia. It was nothing like that for me. I was a 5' 150lb wreck, eating an average of 600 calories a day. If I were to be paperthin and be fed through a tube then I would have to be approximately 100lbs or less and laying in a hospital bed. I was too fat for that. When she started seeing my depressive symptoms she told me to get checked by a doctor. When she found out that I have depression she screwed at me and made snappy comments because she was petrified. She thought I would get addicted to antidepressants. I don't blame her for being scared. Until I grew up she never dealt with mental health and so it was all brand new. What she thought about anorexia and depression came from what she saw in celebrity culture, and that culture represents a small part of the mental health field I like to call "fucking publicity-hungry psychos who act crazy because it brings them money, fame and fans".
And so I have come to my last point. My opinion on people with mental health issues is that people with mental health issues are the only people who can understand what mental health issues are like. I shall be using myself as an example. In my experience people who have never experienced mental health problems in themselves or in someone close are ignorant on the subject. Take my sister for example: she shouted at me for two straight hours because she was afraid that I would have the physical appearance of Nicole Richie or the Olsen Twins, or that I have a breakdown like Britney Spears. Actually, I take that last one back because I did have a breakdown but I turned into a first class whore during mine. She expected something completely different to what my reality was. Now, take me for example: I have a well shaped understanding that mental health issues are nothing like what you see in celebrity culture and on TV because I have experience after experience after experience, and when I compare these experiences to other borderlines or other anorexics, depressives, bullimics, etc. I see that no two cases are ever the same. Ever.
It's like trying to explain heaven to someone who has fucking never been there! I'm not saying that I have been there but you know what I mean. This reminds me of that film Fatal Attractions because it is supposed to be about a woman with BPD and thanks to this movie that only shows one borderline case so a ridiculous amount of people believe that all borderlines suffer BPD in the way that the woman in the movie suffered it. No one knows about high functioning BPD or quiet BPD, they only know about the fucking disturbed and psychotic BPD. ARGH.
Rant over. Happy, happy, fun, fun. It's time to move on and get some sleepy time. Ciao for now, my lovely little shits.
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