Tonight's post isn't about me. As you can obviously tell from the title it's about child pornography, or "cp" as some like to censor it. It's almost as if saying the words child pornography make people feel scared and shameful. Wanna know what I feel? Guilt. It kills me knowing that there are so many kids out there suffering such a horror. It puts me off having my own children because there could be a slight chance that one day - God forbid - if they get kidnapped their fate could end in cp.
What brought this on. TOR. Now, I'm all up for anonymity (I'd be a hypocritic if I wasn't!) and freenet and all the rest but this is just so, so beyond wrong. Very recently I installed TOR and I decided to have a look around. Curiosity got the better of me. I came across a site which was called something like "deepweblinks" and I figured it was a gold mine. I then looked through the list and a lot of the stuff I expected to see were there as I have done my research on it. Now, come the end of the list and I see porn sites. I didn't open them. I couldn't open them. I was terrified. I looked beside the links to see what kind of sites they were and one that stood out for me was "girls and boys". Not "men and women", but "girls and boys". My immediate thoughts went to my nephew. I avoid being a believer, but in my darkest moments I do turn to the glimmer of hope which casts itself as god to me. I begged god to keep that kid safe. If anything happened to him it would be far too much for me handle. I treat him like I would treat my own children and I love him as if he's my own. To think that there are kids just like him being abused in such sick and twisted ways is just too much. I don't know how to process it.
I can't decide whether or not I wish I found this damn thing. Part of me is glad because I knew something like TOR always existed and just to feed my curiosity I'm glad I found it. However, I just want kick myself because it's terrifying. I'm the faint hearted type. On that deepweb links site I found a link which told me it would take me to a hidden wiki. Instead I got a picture of a man's unusually large/stretched anus. I can't get the picture out of my head. Before I came across it a thing came up saying something like "infiltration achieved :3". I can't remember if those were the exact words but the word infiltration and the cute face were definitely there.
It's just too much. It's so wrong. I respect the good it does but the bad side is... it's too much.
Just seeing the links brought everything home for me. To think some people who are more curious than I am actually click on them to see what the fuss is about l. It's sad. It feels like a real burden for some odd reason.
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