Just a post I sent to someone on Reddit as a reply. They suffer bipolar, I'm suspecting myself on bipolar. It seemed too reflective on my "typical day" to let go. So here we are:
"I've been suspecting myself of having bipolar but I'm waiting to change doctors until I can discuss seeing a therapist to look into it further. Although I do have BPD, from my own personal research I think "bipolar borderline" would be a better classification but I need to see a therapist before I begin to determine anything.
I woke up feel anxious today because I have yet to call my university to withdraw my place but when I finally got around to convincing myself to call them, the line was busy. I've been feeling depressive for months now so it's a good indicator that I've not yet entered the manic episode I'm suspecting will come soon. My sister dropped by with my nephew for a couple of hours and I was ecstatic yet irritable then, and when they left I became depressive again. I started watching a documentary on a mental institution and almost started crying because all I want is to be institutionalised because I feel that's the only way I'll feel safe and secure. I had to stop myself from crying because my other sister was there. When she went to bed, I can't remember what I was doing but I started self harming again (nothing life-threateningly serious at all). This is a rarity but I'm becoming desperate for a way out of this depressive episode and into mania so I'm guessing that was an attempt. I don't know. It's so fucked up. I started crying and have been on and off for the last 6 hours. The funny thing is none of it feels real. I don't know if it's disassociation or denial, just, none of this feels like it's actually happening to me."
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