"We do it in the dark, with smiles on our faces... We don't fight fair."

My poor baby, it feels like it's been decades since I last posted here. Truth be told, I'm guessing it'll be another 6-8 weeks before I post something important/significant/relevant again. DEADLINES! They're murderous. Whoever said going to uni is a good idea needs to have their mental health checked. Uni's certainly deteriorating mine!

Anyway, there might be some bittersweet news coming soon. It's nothing that affects any of you, it's mostly me. Maybe it'll come, maybe it won't. Regardless, it should be a good story... or memory if it doesn't become reality. I'm writing nonsense now; you'll understand if/when it happens and if/when I get the chance to post it here. Isn't life a load of shite?

A self-destructive streak.

I'm coming back, worse than before. I was thinking my last breakdown was about my boyfriend, but this one is about me, but they're all about me, aren't they?

I just realised I was raped.

How do react to something that should be old news? It didn't happen recently. In fact, it happened weeks before Boyfriend broke up with me and months before I became a call girl. I tried blocking the memories out for so long that I ignored the entire situation and just a few hours ago it all came rushing through my mind. What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't know what to think. I'm thought-less. I'm never thoughtless.

Why is it always the simplest things you miss the most?

Boyfriend and I broke up less than 9 months ago. The thing I miss the most is just holding his hand and those hugs that gave that reassurance where you knew you'd feel the feeling for a lifetime. Most of all, I miss feeling protected.

As you, my readers, should know by now, shortly after the relationship ended I became a call girl, it was the only way I knew how to cope. A few months after this run, my job had to come to an abrupt end. Now, I'm so close to working in the profession again even though I spent the last 3-4 months convincing myself that I'd be better without it. I just miss him so much, he's slowly killing me.

I'm better alone.

Still trying to get over Boyfriend. I'm sitting in my room, staring at the black sky, I'm in almost exactly the same position I was in just over 11 months ago. I remember this one particular moment because it was one of the first times where I learnt to feel happiness -- I was teaching myself to draw and speaking to Boyfriend (who, at the time, was just 'friend') and it was one of the most serene moments. I always felt this sense of serenity when I spoke to him.

I have a request for my readers.

This is pretty odd for this blog, and I promise I'll try not to have too many of these but I recently found out that I've been getting migraines. I always thought it was just a headache and so the fear of developing [what I thought were mere] headaches started because my "headaches" were just that bad. Yesterday I had the worst migraine I've ever experienced and it put me in a position where I felt that sucidal twinge that my mental illnesses used to give me. I always figured I was just hyper-sensitive to headaches. :S

Anyway, my request is for anyone who suffers migraines to somehow contact me (email is often the preferred method) with ANYTHING that helps you! I swear to god, this is the worst pain I have ever felt. My head literally feels like it's exploding, The only thing I've found to help it is to sit in darkness and silence. Right now that's not very convenient considering I've got an essay to write for uni and the world and his wife decided to stay over at my house this week because it's holidays. yay for them. I'm just so tired and so nauseous and head-explody all the time, I need some kind of relief before I OD on paracetamol.

Thanks in advance.