Just now I was speaking to my cousins about TV shows. I mentioned that someone once compared me to Donna in Suits, and immediately my cousins jumped down my throat saying how "cool" and "funny" Donna is. I wouldn't know, I've never watched Suits.
There's a word to describe what I'm feeling. I don't know what it is. Stupid? Inferior? Ridiculous ? Ashamed? The way they approached that situation was just so inappropriate. I'm feeling ridiculous. It brought back all the memories I have of my own sister and brother-in-law telling me that I'm a loser. My sister was never bothered until my brother-in-law manipulated her into hating me for it.
I just feel so shit. Like, okay, we might not be the same, but you don't need to tell me that in a way which implies I'm uncool and humourless.
The funny thing is my cousins don't know me at all. They've never tasted my humour. They've never seen a genuine side of me. One of them has only seen my worst because I can't stand her. The other makes me so nervous to speak to him because he's so awkward. While what they said hurt me, I don't know what to think of it because they're not in a position where they can judge who or what TV character I'm like/unlike.
The thing that's getting to me and making me so butthurt is the way they approached the subject. The only way I can think to explain it is that they verbally jumped me and gave me a verbal slap in the face which basically said "how dare you degrade Donna by bringing her down to your level and comparing her to you - the two of you are incomparable - you're too much of a loser to even be a little bit like her".
I dunno. It's a weird feeling I'm feeling. Definitely something new.
I spent over a week trying to make peace with these cousins because I can't stand them. This little experience I just had with them shit on the progress I made with them. I genuinely thought I started liking them again. Guess I should have know better.
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